“What’s going to taste good coming back up,” is what I would ask myself before I would eat anything. I had to make myself eat. It was for the heath of the baby right? Even though I tried I still ended up in the E.R. until two bags of fluid were pumped into my veins.
Here’s my story about the sickness from hell.
“Oh the men in this world, can’t live with them and we can’t procreate the fun way without them right?” When I first became sick with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) my boyfriend said, “Baby, I know your body is going through some changes.But you have to be strong. It’s your mind that’s making you feel this way. If you tell your brain that you are feeling better, you will start to get better.” I was too tired and sick to argue in my defense, but the fire that is embedded inside of me wanted to say, “O.K. sweetie. I’m going to kick you in the balls, but in order for you not to feel any pain I want you to tell yourself that this is not going to hurt, in fact you are going to embrace this feel good moment. You ready…..here goes!
Instead, I just looked up at him with sunken-in eyes and took yet another nap.
H.G. is the bitch from hell. The thoughts that creep into your head as you are throwing up for the fifth time that day. Even though you haven’t had a bite to eat. Nose bleeds because of the vessels that pop from the strain, and the constant fear that you will loose the baby because it’s no way a fragile baby can handle this much stress that I am placing on him.
H.G. will have your mind so fucked up in the beginning that you don’t even form a bond with your baby because of the fear that something bad is going to happen. At least that’s how it was for me. To be honest at that point I felt like I didn’t even deserve to be a mother because I felt so detached from my body. I wasn’t myself and no one understood.
Oh! And lets not forget having a spit cup was fucking awesome…NOT! Living with H.G. I couldn’t even swallow my own spit. Picture me running errands looking like ‘death eating a soda cracker’…..except I couldn’t keep down crackers.
It was better for me at week 15 though. When I finally was able to keep down my first meal I knew that everything would be o.k.
Before I sign out from you lovely people I want to leave you with tips for dealing with hyperemesis gravidarum.
TIPS: There are none
The Angry Pregnant Lady
This sexy picture is how I slept at night…with a towel catching the spit I couldn’t swallow and making sure my tongue stayed nice and dry. <sigh> good times